 | Blackadder: Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil if we can't replace this dictionary. |
| Blackadder: "Something is always wrong, Balders. The fact that I am not a millionaire aristocrat with the sexual capacity of a rutting rhino is a constant niggle. |
 | George: Now I've got my lovely fire I'm happy as a Frenchman who's invented a pair of self-removing trousers. |
| Blackadder: Baldrick, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you up into strips and telling the prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat? |
| Blackadder: You see the ancient Greeks, your Highness, wrote in legend of a terrible container in which all the evils of the world were trapped. How prophetic they were. All they got wrong was the name. They called it 'Pandora's Box', when of course they meant 'Baldrick's Trousers'. |
 | Blackadder: Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is? |
| Blackadder: Give the likes of Baldrick the vote and we'll be back to cavorting druids, death by stoning and dung for dinner. |
| Blackadder (on actors): You mean they actually rehearse? I thought they just got drunk, stuck on silly hats and trusted to luck. |
| Blackadder: A man may fight for many things. His country, his friends, his principles, the glistening ear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn. |
 | Percy: I mean, money isn't everything. Think of clouds and daisies, and the lovely smiles on little babies' faces. |
| George: Oh no! What a mad blundering, incredibly handsome young nincompoop I've been! |
| Blackadder: The girl is wetter than a haddock's bathing costume. |
| Baldrick: Well, Mr Blackadder always says, when the going gets tough, the tough hide under the table. |
| Blackadder: We're about as similar as two completely dissimilar things in a pod. |
