 | Melchett: If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through. |
 | Blackadder: I know from long experience all my men have the artistic talent of a cluster of colour-blind hedgehogs in a bag. |
| Blackadder (to Baldrick): If you were to serve up one of your meals in Staff HQ, you would be arrested for the greatest mass poisoning since Lucretia Borgia invited 500 of her close friends round for a wine and anthrax party. |
 | Baldrick: |
 | George: I'm thick. I'm as thick as the big print version of the Complete Works of Charles Dickens. |
| Blackadder: Whatever it was, I'm sure it was better than my plan to get out of this by pretending to be mad. I mean, who would have noticed another madman round here? |
| Melchett: If there's one thing I've learnt in the army, it's never ignore a pooh-pooh! |
| Blackadder to George: Somewhere outside Saffron Walden there's an uncle who is seven feet tall with no chin and an Adam's apple that makes him look as if he's constantly trying to swallow a ballcock. |
| Melchett: I'll just have to sit this one out on the touchline with the half-time oranges and the fat wheezy boys with a note from matron, while you young bloods link arms for the glorious final scrum down. |
 | Flashheart: If word gets out that I'm missing, 500 girls will kill themselves and I wouldn't want them on my conscience - not when they ought to be on my face! |
| Blackadder: Everything goes over your head, doesn't it, George? You should go to Jamaica and become a limbo dancer. |
| George: Well tally ho! With a bing and a bong and a buzz buzz buzz! |
